I had been sitting in that box I created, tightly bound with chains of guilt and shame, for what seemed like a lifetime. Fear, anxiety and doubt strapped me to the altar of self. My own thoughts were constantly running on repeat through my head. I was paralyzed. Unable to [...]
Looking back at the picture of the skinny women with a youngish haircut I realized what was happening. I was comparing myself to ME!! That’s what I had been doing for the last couple months! This year has been a challenging year for me to say the least. I [...]
Fear of losing the people I love! I guess that’s how you know you’re getting older when you attend more funerals than weddings! Just two years ago I held my mother's hand, keeping watch over her pulse as my four sisters and I stood around her bedside singing her into [...]
“What does it feel like to grow old, mama?” I asked. Mama’s never lie, or at least that’s what children believe. “You’re always the same on the inside” she replied “you just get old on the outside” Mama’s truth sinks into my heart as I walk this familiar path. Ordinary [...]
RUN, that was the voice that shouted out in my head the day I packed my suitcase and walked out of my twenty-year marriage. Don’t tell, don’t look back, just RUN!” Decades of lies, mask, hurts, piled up in the corners of my mind, tangled cobwebs, dust piles long neglected [...]
“They’ve clipped my wings” I chuckled as I read those words. A letter sent by my dear mama to a close friend. “They won’t let me drive on the freeway anymore” she continued “But I am managing and still enjoying life!” As daughters of an aging mother, it was our job [...]
For years I struggled in my marriage! I felt like my husbands’ job took priority over me. I wanted to connect on a deep emotional and spiritual level. I wanted to do ministry together! I often felt rejected and invisible, hopelessly sad, putting a fake smile on the outside but [...]
It was my way of hiding, that big brown hand-me-down coat I wore almost every day in sixth grade. A way of covering myself so no one would see me. Why did I feel so unworthy, like I wasn’t good enough for anything other than another person's throwaways? As I [...]
Feeling the warmth of the fireplace on my face, I sit listening to the clanging of wind chimes on the front porch. A sign of the storm that is to come. I listen as the chirping of the birds turn into the faint cry of an unborn child waiting, clinging [...]
Do you see me, God? No, you don’t, no one does, and no one really wants too! Who am I anyway, why am I even here? Bleed, cut, no one cares, lest of all You!! Heart ripped apart by rejection again. Inside hemorrhaging, shattered, crushed. Where were you when I [...]
