Do you see me, God? No, you don’t, no one does, and no one really wants too!
Who am I anyway, why am I even here? Bleed, cut, no one cares, lest of all You!!
Heart ripped apart by rejection again. Inside hemorrhaging, shattered, crushed. Where were you when I was breaking?
When I was bleeding? They said You were near, they said you were LOVE, but I didn’t feel you, didn’t see you! I needed flesh; I needed a touch I needed you to stop the hurting, to stop the dying.
Sharp, razor sharp, deeper, deeper, until it scarred yet not deep enough to end it! The voices, echo in my head shouting accusations that cut deeper than any razor “You are Ugly, you are blemished, you are scarred!!”
Hands over eyes, blood trickles down and wet tears are now mingling with a dry numb heart!
In the chaos, a voice that of a gentler kind and it whispers, “You are LOVED, you are accepted, you are covered and hidden in my heart” and the cutting stops, but only for a moment.
A dark voice screams for attention!!! Go deeper, holding my breath, holding my pain, letting it cover me until it takes away all trace of LOVE. Pulling, cutting, across my arms, across my thoughts, across my soul!!
The voices will stop when the pain does. Then a small ray of light, breaking into the darkness, the voice, of the One with scars on His hands and feet, and I am torn, torn between the TRUTH and the lies! Recalling the stories, the innocence and the peace, remembering HIS voice, louder and stronger overtaking the dark one and He’s calling to me “I AM” I AM!!
Then loud BANGING on the door, frantic turning of the knob, the lock holds, the door stays shut to my secret. But soon, very soon, it will open, and the bleeding will run out like a river red spilling out into my reality and life will never be the same, forever changed, and forever altered! Do you see me world? Do you see the scars, on my arms, on my face, on my heart?
No, I don’t think you do, BUT it’s not because you don’t want to, it’s because you CAN’T! YOUR pain gets in the way! YOUR shame takes you back to secret places hidden from view. The places where darkness seems to cover like a blanket smothering you, robbing you of air until it suffocates until it kills.
The TRUTH speaks “Listen to my voice, there is another way, another ONE who defines you and He has clothed you and given you a new name: ACCEPTED, BEAUTIFUL, HIDDEN and SAFE, FULLY LOVED AND COMPLETELY WHOLE!
“Step into the light my beloved; don’t be AFRAID, you may have scars but so does my son!”
Note from the Author:
This was written at a time of real breakthrough in my life. Healing comes in waves and this was a huge wave of healing for me. Although the feelings I had often resurfaced during times of difficulty I want you to know healing has come!
If you are hurting, I urge you to seek the wisdom and counsel of godly friends, counselors & leaders. I urge you to diligently seek out the promises in God’s Word (the Bible) not just to be a hearer of them but to be a doer of them.
James 1:22 – But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.
If you haven’t yet met the Jesus I know and love, the One who heals all our afflictions and gives us peace, I’d love to share Him with you. In all my years of growing up in the church I never really knew this Jesus.
He is kind, loving and compassionate. He sees you and loves you right where you’re at!
John 3:16 – For God so loved the world that He gave His one and ONLY Son, that whoever believes in Him shall have everlasting life!
Let me tell you more: email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.