Looking back at the picture of the skinny women with a youngish haircut I realized what was happening.
I was comparing myself to ME!! That’s what I had been doing for the last couple months!
This year has been a challenging year for me to say the least.
I started a new position at a Jr. High, my husbands’ job was taking him out of town on a regular basis, so I was alone, a lot! My adult children were struggling with mental health issues. My grandchildren were on my mind and in my prayers constantly. I lost an uncle and friend to death AND we were in the middle of trying to find a good church home!
Along with all of that, I was a creeping closer and closer to 60!
So, I made the decision to retire early. All of this along with the onset of menopause was sending me into a tailspin that I couldn’t control!! Have you ever been there? Those feelings that run anywhere from self-pity to silent numbness, you know the numbness that makes me feel more dead than alive.
Staring at the picture, taken just a little over a year ago, I saw ME, less 30 pounds!
Choking back the tears while trying to push down the self-loathing I heard Gods voice once again “My child, you can compare, or you can connect but you can’t do both!”
Does that mean comparing myself to me, not just others? YES!!
The truth is, when I compare myself with me, the me I used to be, wither good or bad, I stop the flow of connection, with God, and with myself.
Today, I choose to stop comparing. It is a daily choice! I don’t always do it perfectly and often my bed and the chocolate my husband hides in the freezer call my name louder than God does, BUT I won’t let it keep me down!
I put my two feet on the floor, take a shower, put on some clean clothes and a little make-up, head out the door, push myself behind the wheel of my car and make the long but short drive to connect with people!
You see, it’s in the connecting that I can be the true me I was made to be. A little fuller in the thighs BUT also in my heart and compassion for others and for myself!
“2019 me with my beautiful sisters (me on the far right)”